i really dont know how this site works or am i even doing this right god knows but i really need to vomit all my thoughts somewhere and i dont know where should I. so this blogging came to mind as i always wanted to blog but never knew from where to start. now also im doing this just for myself and i dont why am i even trying to explain this to myself.
when my 12th got over and i was looking out for engineering colleges and one day i went for counselling if symbiosis pune. there my brothers friend anirudh told me once that its doesnt matter what your marks were up till 12th once youre into college it will be new start a fresh start nothing from past will matter and just what you ahead will matter similarly i fell in love with a girl and our past was hell complicated but somehow i was forgiven and i dont know how! so as i mentioned the new beginning even we had a new beginning from april ’19. that 3 month period was beautiful and so pure. i was never so happy in my life. we both were living happily in our own little world didnt care about anyone and no one else mattered. i gave her a letter where i wrote all about those 3 months and i want to live those 3 months again, for the rest of my life.
i screwed up, i screwed up so bad. i mean i have done a lot of things to her 90% times unknowingly and 10% are the aftermath in which i cant see anything else and i panic and i just say it. ahh i am the one who followes think twice before you speak thingy but when i panic i panic so bad and especially in front of her. but i escaped that i dont know how and when i did something which was not as bad of a thing as things i have done before i got a punishment of a lifetime. i have never felt so lonely like im feeling right now.
everywhere i go i see her face. every scene on tv i imagine us every meme i see i wanna show her every detail of my day i wanna tell her she had spend so many nights in my house that i see her everywhere in my house hugging giggling talking kissing its like she was here a min ago and now she is gone forever.
god i love her so much and i am trying to change myself into every shape i she which she would find it comfortable. i am so emotionally invested in her that i cant see anything else i cant think of anything else i am close to my phone just because she might text me and i dont wanna miss even a single min of talking to her. her snap pops and i jump to see it just because if not her voice the her face would do it. anything realted to her is 100times more important to me. and i cant even say her to this or explain her to this because she doesnt trust me and not feel safe around me. i mean, wow i have never reached to this low in my life that someone has to come and say me that and coming from the girl im in love with.
personal blog 