absolutely devastated. hit the rock bottom of my life and dont know whats next. never in my life i have been so lost in my life. dont know where to go what to do im so lonely i cant even type properly i mean so many mistakes i did in just these three lines. who cares no ones gonna read even i dont proof read my blogs.
so as in last post i was gonna meet her right and since morning i was anticipating this meeting all day i was thinking about was that thing which i was gonna get from her i was just waiting for that moment to happen. i went through number of scenarios on how our conversation would go but that hug? that hug was the only thing i was looking for all day. did all my work by later afternoon just so that i could meet her and see her beautiful face.
but the scriptwriter of my life wants to see me suffer. my scooty broke down in midway at midnight. i made a excuse to my parents that ill be in the building but i sneaked out just so that i could meet her because she was leaving the next day and i dont know when ill be able to see her next. when my scooty broke down the first thought that into my was damn no no no no i want to meet her no she is leaving no please and then i strikes me that damn what if my parents come to know about this and then i had to cancel that meeting with. it was excruciating that cant meet her now and my nightmare turned into reality of not seeing her before she leaves.
we didnt meet i asked her to meet in the morning but couldnt maybe she got caught up with some work else why would she meet me.. or.. idk maybe she was busy yes she was busy.. anyways she claims that everything is fine from my side there is nothing wrong with me or around me! this is the lowest i have been in my life i am thinking of things or doing thing which i never thought i would do to myself. she doent trust me she doesnt feel a thing for me for as a friend as anything and said things which is revolving around my head and making me more anxious and weak and i dont know what to do im getting weaker and weaker and make me wanna do thing that i dont want to but i want break thing self harm cry my eyes out and just want end thing by anyways possible
she reached and she send a video of her new room and all and i looked at her and.. my heart melted i wanted to cry just because she is not with me she is currently my no one and its just plain painful type it imagine me living with it!anyways she thinks i am using this to give her guilt trip and its typical of me! she doesnt even know 1% of what i am going through and she says i am using it to give her freaking guilt trip or shit like that? lol
i only told this blog thing to only one of my friend and idk if she will tell it or not. she said the state im in she said she doesnt understand depth of the situation and she doesnt deserve me at the moment and i dont know what to make out of it.
anyways ill keep loving her with all my and there wont be any second thought when ill have to confess my feelings again because boy oh boy there is no in this world who would love her the way i love her. period.
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